don't ya hate it when that happens?
Friday, November 15, 2002
beautiful
today was just gorgeous... i hate being sick on such lovely days... it was warm enough to lie on the grass (i hereby claim the corner in front of perloff...) the sky, the grass, people meandering.... felt like HOME.... i really wish i had a digital camera to capture such moments. i think i will be staying till spring... i would like to gain as much as i can... everything that i have missed in my college experience.... wacsmash... drums, maybe a sport.. everything.... nothing can stop me now....
this is for that special someone who i once shared my life with... hoping that you'll read this.. maybe you'll miss it, but just to get it out there... i think i understand the circumstances... just hard to know that this is what it's come down to... wish you could give me concrete feedback... i need closure, i need it spelled out, i need to know what's in your head...... so awkward when we're together now... so painful to be without.... i have never had this sort of connection with another human being... the kind where you grow together... it's almost as if when i had first met you in 98, it was like meeting a version of myself... something so corny as to say you were something that i had been missing my whole life.... and when it culminated for that brief period in time... i felt whole and the realization that i could express myself so openly.... gave me strength... set me free... i only wish i could capture those moments again, but they seem lost in that space where spheres are out spinning..... if it's meant to be.....un jour j'espere, voir, aimer, etre avec toi... mais, c'est seulement dans mes reves... et dans les nuages... must trudge on... must take that daunting step forward.. to live, to breathe, to know that i'm alive..... tu me manque... one day i hope.... in and out of conciousness, in and out of dreams... need to find a foothold... thnigs aren't as bad as they seem....
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