don't ya hate it when that happens?
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
epiphany
i'm finally beginning to truly accept my position with my sillyhead. he's not ready for me and i'm not going to force him.... i want the best for both of us, even if that means taking a risk... i'll be back for him ;) i hope. if he feels this way about his life now he's liable to feel this way later on and then it'll be a lot harder to take time away from eachother, seeing as it's so hard to even part as it is... he means so much to me. i don't want to be the one thing that holds him back from greatness. i want to be the one pushing him there. i see that it is as hard for him as it is for me... and knowing there's someone like him out there, whether i end up with him or not (hopefully so), is a greatand wonderful comfort... i used to think i was alone... i used to think no one would accept the REAL me. i've finally found someone i can trust.. even if it was only for that brief moment in time, it is still a glimpse of what great things could be in store for the future. sure i feel heavy lonliness at times, but this is nothing compared to what i could be feeling... you could say i'm taking the easy way out, but i doubt this is the easy way... knowing he's right there, so close... knowing that he exists... it's like forcing myself to look away from the flame.... he is the drug that numbs me to society's ills, he makes it all worth living for and breathes life into my tired soul. 22 years in the making... here we are and here we are not.... together. i'm glad he's somewhat opened up to me... i don't want to pretend anymore....pretending is not living and i am here to kick some bootay! ;)
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