don't ya hate it when that happens?
Monday, May 26, 2003
random random random
maybe i should sleep... or maybe i should sit here typing and thinking about cleaning my room. i do really like my new pets, but i just wish they were a bit more amiable... well they are reptiles.. what can i expect... i can't wait for the beardie to get bigger so i can play with it and take it out.... might have to leash it so it doesn't run away and get run over by a car or something... it's such a cutie pie... my next mission is a dog.. but i can only do that if i move home and just "suddenly" have it. hehehe. my mom says no, but i have my ways... i'm really not sure what i'm supposed to be doing with my life. now that the actuary test is over, i am going to devote more time to looking for a job. some people have it so easy! i really wish i had chosen a major i was better in. math is interesting, but so difficult for me! accounting really sucks. programming is great, but maybe not as a career... i'm just lost. not in love. frozen. waiting for the next second to hit me. and then there's tomorrow. how do i make the best of my time here? where shall i end up. i think i could make it as long as i had family and some friends like elaine or jiwon or something with me... they're the kind of people that make every place home. i just want what everyone else wants. someone who understands where i come from. maybe even someone who doesn't judge me and pity me or my past. i am who i am from all events happy and painful... we are shaped by these events... (wow it's so hard to not talk about the matrix here... hehehe ) what is in my control and what is not. i do not want to live afraid to make mistakes, but i would like to protect myself better, my heart is more fragile each round it takes... i really want to take care of my family... cousins, sisters.. all of it. i don't remember if i've said this before, but something that never fails to lift my spirits is playing with isiah and nana. it's the first thing i want to do everytime i go back north. they are so innocent and not. hehehe that evil little ariana! anyhoo.. i should probably sleep. goodnighties!
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