don't ya hate it when that happens?
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
hmmm
i thought i was ready to date... but i guess i'm at this point in my life where i need to focus on myself... things like trying to get a job, establish myself again, and just think a lot. i'm sorry if i hurt anyone and i'm sorry if.. i don't know. i just felt like saying sorry. i'm so confused about guys and what role they play in my life. i need a break.
ugh
so a friend brought up the subject of my friends dating my sister(s) and how i would feel about it. i would feel extremely uncomfortable. my sisters are true "hotties" and deserve the best by all means.. and who they date is ultimately up to them, but i can't totally describe the feeling in my stomach when i think of the former argument... i think a lot of people understand.
lost in translation
so i haven't really been as verbose as of late. things just seem to be happening and feelings fleeting. things are upside down and not stable enough for me to feel comfortable with anything right now. i try my best. i'm searching for that feeling i used to have. i crave for structure in my day. right now it is 6am on wednesday. i don't know what's gotten into me. i need to get some work accomplished tomorrow for raytheon and i need to pray about lockheed. so far steve's helped out a lot.
i've been having a lot of trying to fit in as many friends as possible into my schedule. i miss them all! i actually had evelyn's name and number written on my hand in ink, but i still forgot about her and ada for dinner tonight. i was so out of it. i'm in a dream state.
i don't believe in platonic cuddling.. at least not with most people. i used to let someone find comfort next to me, but i always felt uncomfortable... fidgity.. i really need to stand up for myself more. on the bright side, i'm getting better at it. at the recent ucla game i stood up for lynn and got this girl to not stand on her chair. she didn't listen to me and her boy gave me shit, so i had to resort to calling someone over. usually i dont' say much, but if i have the guts to say something and she has the guts to pretty much say screw you then i'm not going to step down.
guess what
for those of you who know me.... i'm not as happy go lucky as i seem. (sorry, but it's true) and i do have many insecurities, none of which i privy to state here or now, but i assure you, they exist and are all too real. i don't feel the need to go into detail about any of the latter or how these thoughts came about.. maybe i'm merely rambling. maybe it has something to do with you.
farewell and good morning. (good night for me)
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