don't ya hate it when that happens?
Sunday, February 15, 2004
so far everything just seems to be the same... but it's not like i'm not having fun... katsu, korina and i went to a berkeley party in sf.. sake lab. pretty fun, really crowded and hot, but i love to dance... i also ran into a lof of people i knew from college, high school, family..... there was this one guy who seemed pretty interesting but i chickened out... i think i can be intimidating when i'm nervous.. i brush people off.. so i told myself it was fate... then we ran into him again on the way to the car... but i let it go... i dont' know if i know what i'm doing.. am i holding myself back all the time..... sat we had an anti valentine's movie thing which was pretty cool considering they both like the movie (almost famous) i love that movie.. and jason lee ain't that bad either..
today all i did was move and clean up stuff with my mom.. that was the bad part. the good part of the day was 6pm mass and i did a lil gardening today... :) hyacinths... so pretty.. you can actually grow them in an hourglass shaped vase as long as the bottom only grazes the water... but then it won't create offspring..
i really dont' know what's wrong with my head... i have these thoughts.. i constantly doubt myself.. i have a lot to live for and be happy for, but at the same time i feel empty and lost... i dont' feel ready for a real relationship, i dont' have too many friends... and one of them will be leaving next january for good to japan... i just have a great big void to fill...
the story of our lives.....
she fell in love with him... he made her smile... a lot. he liked toys and comics and was so passionate about music... and passionate about life... and spirituality... he liked her for who she was... she didn't have to be anyone else.. they fit physically and mentally... how will she find this again... emotions so strong... nothing compared to the bond created... and then it was gone...
i've only been working a few months and i feel i can't always stand it. my two favorite people at work might be leaving soon. i'll be stuck with all the grumpy people.. the only thing that keeps me sane is sports and music.. i can't live without them. i would say friends, but there is a shortage i am trying to fill...
this is for my sister amelia who keeps experiencing loss in her life... a friend's boyfriend passed away from a surfing accident just a year after their baby died from SIDS... a friend passed away from stab wounds, a friend passed away from an automobile accident.. i just want her to be happy.. but it's like she's surrounded...
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