don't ya hate it when that happens?
Saturday, September 24, 2005
my mind, my apologies
I knew this would happen. I dated a friend of a friend and now that it's ended, I can feel the drift between me and my original friend. It's hard for me to not let it come between since they were better friends. I clearly remember the day I asked her if dating him was a good idea or not and I said, "I don't want this to come between us if he and I don't work out."I did something wrong this morning and pulled out of a small private birthday RSVP last minute, citing personal reasons. My friend (not the birthday person) rightfully gave me hell, but what did I expect? A friend to say "do what you have to do?" I don't have too many of those.
I planned everything from going to my mother's house to have closer access to the city to the public transportation I was going to take. I drove here late last night around 1am after attending two other birthdays. I figured out what bart stations to get off of, I even had the map and my alarmed cellphone on my bed. I felt out of my element. I woke up with a sick feeling...
As much as I try to hide this fact.. the breakup was a bad one. He meant well, but things didn't end right. He didn't want to "hurt me" so he never told me his feelings for me had changed. I found out from his friend. After a week of this pseudo break up, I could sense something was wrong and when I couldnt' reach him, I called his best friend. His best friend tore into me. and it hurt. where did the communication go? I thought we were adults. His friend also told me to not call the guy anymore. I didn't know what to do so I silently suffered these echoing accusations for weeks. and then I called him. we had a talk, straightened things out, but here I am. I don't know how I ended up at this miserable place again, broken trust, healing heart. I'm sorry, but I can't keep putting myself out there. just can't. sorry.
I didn't mean to drag anybody else into this. sorry if i did.
I'm tired and i'm worn. and i'm growing callous to the world.
3 Comments:
I am very sorry to hear the news. I am so afraid of getthing hurt that I choose not to get involved. Seeing one of best friend's fiance left him was just scary. I don't think there is any problem not getting into a relationship. Lately I've been thinking being single for life is pretty nice. The only problem is u know I love children and I may not get to have my own. I think that's ok too cause I am not sure if I can be as good of a parent as I can be.
I just want to life is not about finding a partner. I think life is about compassion for everyone. If you have that going, you are alright in my book.
By 
, at
12:52 PM
I'm so sorry, Oak. Hope you're doing okay. Next time you come down, first round's on me.
I am sorry to hear about your break-up. I know it must hurt as they all do. True they tear at the soul but looking at you and your situation I'd hate for you to give up completely. I never thought so when I was in your shoes, but looking back at my life, I needed to go through a few different relationships to truly value the sp[ecial one I have now. If you never learn from your mistakes then you won't know what to do when you find the one special one and believe me when you find them they accept you for all your faults and love you for them. But getting there take works and yes a million good cries and swearing off men. But when you find the right one you will understand how worth it it was to meet so many different types of people.
By , at
1:37 PM
